There are words which I would cheerfully claw a person’s eyes out for saying to me on the street, in the grocery store or really just about anywhere else. If you’re reading this, your imagination is probably more than up to the task of guessing what they might be. They’re not kind or friendly words. These epithets are brutal, ugly, dehumanizing hammers of words which smash into the ear canal and detonate like a concussion grenade, leaving only disorientation, anger and pain in their wake.
Say these same words to me in the right setting, from the right person’s lips, and my everything collapses into a warm gushy liquid wanton pool of TAKE ME NOW!
I’ve always wondered how this works. What is it in me that finds those words so sexy and makes me crave them when they come from the right person? To hear and speak them for the benefit of a lover or myself? Where’s the trigger mechanism, and what does it look like? Why am I wired this way?
Does it really matter, four decades into this journey?
In my current short WIP for Literotica, I use terms of degradation as both endearments and signals of abject, profound submission to the will and desires of another. At least to me, the result is somehow more tender, loving and beautiful than all the sweet, soft words in the world. For all their ugliness on the ear, their impact cannot be minimized or understated. They make a potent statement about my main characters and the ineffable love and trust between them which softens and blunts their impact from hammers to light whacks with a pillow.
They say, “I love you. I am yours and you are mine. I give this to you because I trust you not to abuse it. I cherish and honor the demons that drive you, as you cherish and honor mine.”
And when you cut through all the nonsense and the purple prose, isn’t that really what everyone is looking for? Someone who can stare into our abyss and see us for who and what we truly are without blinking, flinching or turning away?
I think it is.
Which is why, if some random dude called me any number of unflattering words beginning with C at the post office, my partner would probably stand back and watch with a bemused “You really shouldn’t have said that and now you get to take your medicine” smirk while I ripped the offender’s face off. But when it’s said to me or I speak it in the silence and seclusion of my own home, it says, “I love and cherish and adore you” in a way all the sweet words and finest candies in the world can’t.
I just hope my writing properly conveys how this functions in practice.
Stay tuned for more updates!